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Build Better Boundaries with Authenticity

Unhealthy boundaries are often the result of a lack of connection with your authentic Self and feeling disempowered in the decision-making that happens in your life causing you to believe the other person must change for your relationships to improve.

Forcing you to rely on your partner, children, parent, or other external relationships for your happiness and decision-making responsibilities, thereby losing important parts of yourself.

The inability to set boundaries also stems from fear; fear of abandonment, fear of losing the relationship, fear of being judged, and/or fear of hurting others' feelings. Fear often feels and produces a crippling effect. When we don’t choose to face our fears we subconsciously bring more of what we don’t want into our lives. When I was afraid to set boundaries because I didn’t want to hurt my partner’s feelings I would silently allow frustration to build, become angry, then explode. In my explosions, I would say and do things way more hurtful than saying no or asking someone to stop. However, I felt justified by my anger. It was a psychological game I unconsciously played with myself. Anger is often the result of one's boundaries being repeatedly disregarded, pushed, and crossed.

Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. The fear is an illusion of what you believe will happen. It’s not a guaranteed result. When you move beyond it, you open yourself to the possibilities of a different outcome. How many times have you feared something that never happened?

Taking steps to build better boundaries begins with connecting to your authentic self - knowing and understanding what your own limits are, who you are, what you are responsible for, and, what you are not responsible for.

You are responsible for your happiness, your behavior, your choices, your feelings. You are not responsible for others' happiness, others’ behaviors, others’ choices, and others’ feelings.

​Boundaries allow you to be your authentic self

They create emotional and physical safety, protecting you from things that are hurtful or may cause you harm.

Having boundaries means saying “no” to things that don’t align with your priorities. They keep you from overextending yourself resulting in time and energy for you. When you are overextended you aren’t any good to yourself or anyone around you.

You can begin the journey of creating healthy boundaries by choosing to let go of the belief you must fix others and are somehow responsible for their outcomes and choices. You must choose to stop attempting to rescue others (it never works anyway), needing to be needed, changing yourself to be liked, and/or depending on others' approval. Instead, choose to use that energy to begin discovering your authentic self.

To find the REAL YOU, you can’t take on every project, work every shift, or be on every committee. You can't attempt to save people from the bad decisions they're committed to making. You must take control of your life and your choices and stop blaming everyone else for what's happening in your life.

You got this; I believe in you!

Sent with unconditional love,

Kamesha Tarell

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